Thing I hate #32: Guys Who Let Their Shirtsleeves Dangle Past Their Wrists

I don’t know if there’s a way for a guy to look more effeminate and stupid than to let his sleeves hang past his wrists. It says, “Hey, I’m still a self-conscious 7th grader who wants to curl up inside my body and not be noticed until I can grow hair normally and stop getting … Continue reading

Thing I love #32: My Little Ponies

My Little Ponies are the ultimate little girl plaything. Because many years ago, some genius figured out how to combine the separate elements of female make-believe/fantasy into one glorious figurine. A figurine that that gives little girls lady boners. A figurine that transcends Barbie, and American Girl Dolls, and those creepy heads that you put … Continue reading

Thing I love #31: Dogs Whose Tongues Do Not Fit In Their Mouth

I know I just nerded out about how much I love guilty dogs, and that now I’m talking about how much I love dogs whose tongues don’t fit in their mouth. Well, I like slightly-defective animals. Plus, this post comes with haikus. Purrrpl_Haze/Flickr Is my tongue too long, Or instead my face to short? No, … Continue reading

Thing I hate #31: The Seemingly-Indiscriminate Use of Capitalization

Why. Why do people think it’s cute/funny/charming to alternate lower and upper case letters? It is overly-precious, stupid, and kind of infuriating. Honestly, I don’t understand this trend at all. bEcAuSe MaInLy yOu JuSt CoMe OfF SoUnDiNg LiKe A fIvE yEaR-oLd LeArNiNg HoW tO rEaD. And then there are the asshats who use capitalization for … Continue reading

Thing I hate #30: Dried Flowers

I could give fuck-all about dried flowers. Talk about a really, really stupid decorating idea. And an even worse way to cling desperately to a nostalgic memory. Here’s why they suck: As Decor goaliej54/Flickr Dudes: If you ever walk into a date’s apartment where dried flowers play an important role in the decorating theme, leave. … Continue reading

Thing I love #30: Brownie Batter

Brownie batter is my favorite of all the batters. Better than cookie, better than cake. The best. I’m not talking about homemade brownie batter, either. No sir. I like the kind that comes from a box. The kind that needs just a couple of eggs, some canola oil and a little bit of water to … Continue reading

Thing I love #29: Guilty Dogs

matthewgood/Flickr gizzypooh/Flickr ejorpin/Flickr hjhipster/Flickr an iconoclast/Flickr kitsu/Flickr Featured photo courtesy of Youssef Abdelaal/Flickr

Thing I love #28: Bookstores

I love reading with a passion and dedication that extends to few other areas of my life. And when it comes to books, I love nearly everything about them. Their cover art. The smell of a new book. Typesetting. The fucking story itself. The notes and scribbles that come in used copies of favorite novels. … Continue reading

Thing I hate #30: Manicured Goatees

Goatees in general are a shitty choice of facial hair, especially since they seem to belong mainly to men who are trying very, very hard to be cool. The mid-life crisis-ers, the jeans-and-white-tennis-shoes wearers, the past-his-prime-college-football-player who still thinks he can pull in chicks (sometimes all three are the same man. Unfortunately.). Goatees are the … Continue reading

Thing I hate #29: Little Girls Wearing Makeup

I have a thing against the tarted-up look in general, but excessive makeup is at its worst when it’s on the face of a little girl. Why, why, WHY is it ever necessary to apply lipstick and blush and eyeshadow to the face of a five year-old? Answer: It’s not. Holy fake nails and patriotism, … Continue reading

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