Thing I hate #32: People Who Drive Just Slightly Under the Speed Limit

If there’s anything more maddening than being stuck behind someone driving a few miles under the speed limit it’s got to be like, the Chipmunks movies, or Jamie Kennedy or something. And it’s not the people who are going way below the speed limit – the ones who take it down 10 or 15 mph. … Continue reading

Between Two Ferns

Zach Galiafinakis is one of the best comedians – of all time – for three reasons: 1. He hates people. 2. He is so. Damn. Good. At. Awkward. 3. He is not afraid of wearing turtlenecks and unitards. Which is why his mock-interview show Between Two Ferns with Zach Galiafinakis is one of the best … Continue reading

Things I love #33: Eavesdropping

You know those people who are all, “Oh, that very private-looking conversation that couple on the bench is having is none of my business. I will leave them alone.”? I am not one of those people. I like eavesdropping and listening in on things I shouldn’t. I also stare at people. In other words: I … Continue reading

Thing I hate #31: Facebook Status Updates

Most major media sites have come out with some article bitching about Facebook, whether about the fact that it reduces our human interaction to shallow online nothingness, or its functionality, or its ability to suck away hours of useful time that could be spent hanging out with real people/eating food because you’re lonely/macrame-ing/at some other … Continue reading

The Urban Sketchers group on Flickr

Seriously you guys. Eye candy. How bad does the Urban Sketchers group on Flickr make you want to grab a moleskine and jump on a plane and find a cafe in some new town and order coffee and draw things? Probably real bad. bodiley48/Flickr Seven Seas of Rhye/Flickr isaac duenyas/Flickr ALVARO CARNICERO/Flickr Featured photo courtesy … Continue reading

Thing I hate #32: Guys Who Let Their Shirtsleeves Dangle Past Their Wrists

I don’t know if there’s a way for a guy to look more effeminate and stupid than to let his sleeves hang past his wrists. It says, “Hey, I’m still a self-conscious 7th grader who wants to curl up inside my body and not be noticed until I can grow hair normally and stop getting … Continue reading

Thing I love #32: My Little Ponies

My Little Ponies are the ultimate little girl plaything. Because many years ago, some genius figured out how to combine the separate elements of female make-believe/fantasy into one glorious figurine. A figurine that that gives little girls lady boners. A figurine that transcends Barbie, and American Girl Dolls, and those creepy heads that you put … Continue reading

Thing I love #31: Dogs Whose Tongues Do Not Fit In Their Mouth

I know I just nerded out about how much I love guilty dogs, and that now I’m talking about how much I love dogs whose tongues don’t fit in their mouth. Well, I like slightly-defective animals. Plus, this post comes with haikus. Purrrpl_Haze/Flickr Is my tongue too long, Or instead my face to short? No, … Continue reading

Thing I hate #31: The Seemingly-Indiscriminate Use of Capitalization

Why. Why do people think it’s cute/funny/charming to alternate lower and upper case letters? It is overly-precious, stupid, and kind of infuriating. Honestly, I don’t understand this trend at all. bEcAuSe MaInLy yOu JuSt CoMe OfF SoUnDiNg LiKe A fIvE yEaR-oLd LeArNiNg HoW tO rEaD. And then there are the asshats who use capitalization for … Continue reading

Thing I hate #30: Dried Flowers

I could give fuck-all about dried flowers. Talk about a really, really stupid decorating idea. And an even worse way to cling desperately to a nostalgic memory. Here’s why they suck: As Decor goaliej54/Flickr Dudes: If you ever walk into a date’s apartment where dried flowers play an important role in the decorating theme, leave. … Continue reading

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