Thing I hate #25: Coconut

Coconut has got to be one of the most gag-inducing foods in the world.* It’s cloying, sickly sweetness and chewy-yet-flaky texture sets my teeth on edge. I hate it on baked goods, I hate it in candy and I hate it by itself. Over the years, coconut has yet to redeem itself. Any time it’s featured as a main ingredient in something I Do. Not. Like. It. So I fly the anti-coconut flag proudly.

“Oh, but you’re talking about artificial coconut!”

No. The real stuff sucks too. Here is a list of things containing coconut that are gross:

1. Coconuts.
2. Coconut Water.
3. Almond Joys.
4. German Chocolate Cake frosting.
5. Samoas.
6. Coconut Cream Pie.
7. Macaroons.
8. Every coconut-flavored candy in the history of the world, ever.

I also don’t understand how it has made its way into skin care products. Lotions and shampoos and body washes that smell like coconut are on par with those that are supposed to smell like baked goods or “Vanilla Buttercream” or some such shit. They’re gross. It’s like those people who buy the Pumpkin Pie Yankee Candles during the holiday; you walk into their house and get punched in the nose by an artificial, sugary-sweet smell that gets you borderline-high and makes you deeply question your friendship.


*I realize that there are many people out there who tolerate and even claim to enjoy coconut as a flavor/smell/texture. That’s fine. They are either living on a tropical island and have to eat coconut, or enjoy disgusting things.

Featured photo courtesy of SingChan/Flickr.

3 Responses to “Thing I hate #25: Coconut”
  1. stephanihon says:

    Agreed coconut is horrible !

  2. Emily says:

    I just came across this because I decided to google “I hate coconut.” I hate it so much, I don’t even like the word! I sniff test every sunscreen to make sure it doesn’t have a hint of it. And I love booze as much as any other girl, but the thought of a piña colada makes me want to throw up! I’d rather drink river water. It’s just nice to know there are others out there not sharing in the coconut love fest.

  3. Zaakiya Cuellar says:

    Hilarious article! I had heard about the many health benefits of coconut, and tried to drink some coconut milk. I couldn’t get over the smell (reminded me of my perfume and shampoo), and the thick texture, and the flavor. I finally managed to gulp it down. And later on it made me puke. Bad enough I was already hating the flavor, smell and texture and the fact that it made me puke really made me not like coconut so much that I think it should be banished from the universe lol. I now eat like a normal person (meat, fish, fruit, veggies) and what I eat now has the same health benefits of coconut and taste a billion times better too.

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