Thing I love #29: Guilty Dogs

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Thing I love #28: Bookstores

I love reading with a passion and dedication that extends to few other areas of my life. And when it comes to books, I love nearly everything about them. Their cover art. The smell of a new book. Typesetting. The fucking story itself. The notes and scribbles that come in used copies of favorite novels. … Continue reading

Thing I hate #30: Manicured Goatees

Goatees in general are a shitty choice of facial hair, especially since they seem to belong mainly to men who are trying very, very hard to be cool. The mid-life crisis-ers, the jeans-and-white-tennis-shoes wearers, the past-his-prime-college-football-player who still thinks he can pull in chicks (sometimes all three are the same man. Unfortunately.). Goatees are the … Continue reading

Thing I hate #29: Little Girls Wearing Makeup

I have a thing against the tarted-up look in general, but excessive makeup is at its worst when it’s on the face of a little girl. Why, why, WHY is it ever necessary to apply lipstick and blush and eyeshadow to the face of a five year-old? Answer: It’s not. Holy fake nails and patriotism, … Continue reading

Thing I hate #28: Lady Singers

Call me sexist. Call me deaf. Call me uncultured and lame and disrespectful. But I don’t really like female musical artists. It’s less misogynistic for me to say this because I am a girl, but it still doesn’t negate the fact that when a chick opens her mouth to belt out a song, I’m usually … Continue reading

Thing I love #27: Snail Mail

So I’m one of those dorks who likes old fashioned things. And one of those things that is quickly disappearing from day-to-day life is the writing and receiving of letters. Not the bullshit, obligatory birthday or holiday cards we all get every year; the ones that are all regurgitated cliches and mindless pap. What those … Continue reading

Thing I hate #27: Close Talkers

This is a close talker: “HI I’M TODD AND THESE ARE ALL MY PORES. HAVE YOU CHECKED OUT THIS THING IN MY NOSTRIL YET, BECAUSE BOY, DOES IT LOOK ABOUT READY TO SLIDE OUT. ALSO, I HAD FISH FOR LUNCH.” As someone with an acute sense of personal space – I notice every bumped knee, … Continue reading

Thing I hate #26: Flimsy Plastic Forks

Flimsy plastic forks take a meal from good to fucking maddening in seconds. You sit down with your salad, or pasta, or pancakes, or whatever, and instead of digging in and getting a chunk of food ready for mouth-insertion…the thing bends. And bends. And then bends some more. So you sit there, feeling like a … Continue reading

Thing I hate #25: Coconut

Coconut has got to be one of the most gag-inducing foods in the world.* It’s cloying, sickly sweetness and chewy-yet-flaky texture sets my teeth on edge. I hate it on baked goods, I hate it in candy and I hate it by itself. Over the years, coconut has yet to redeem itself. Any time it’s … Continue reading

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