Thing I Hate #8: The Twilight Series

I hate the Twilight series because I love books.

As someone who spent most of their childhood gobbling up novels and literature (yes, perhaps at the cost of my social life, but who needs that when you have a decent vocabulary?), I believe that anyone who reads and enjoys Twilight deserves a punch in the neck. I hate Twilight because the books are vapid, melodramatic novels written for hormonal teenage girls; girls who think finishing one of these poor-excuses-for-literature qualifies them as “someone who reads.” If enjoying the Twilight series means you like to read books, then wearing a flannel shirt means you enjoy being a lumberjack. This is how I react when someone professes their love for Twilight in front of me:

Me: Any books you recommend?

Idiot: Oh my gosh, the Twilight books are awesome. You’ll love them.

(I now know I will never truly respect this person)

The person who loves Twilight also loves Nicholas Sparks novels and anything else that’s been made into a sappy movie. They probably over-share about their boring lives in the Facebook status updates; “Jen is buying shoesies at the mall. Lolz!” They wear makeup when they work out.

Have I read the Twilight series? I can’t answer this without being a hypocrite. So I won’t. I hate the Twilight series because they’re predictable and formulaic, and prey on the soft, lazy minds of people who have grown up on a steady diet of sitcoms and skimmable internet content. They want instant gratification – with the minimum amount of mental sweat – and Twilight delivers. Equal parts drama, fantasy and romance, it fulfills their entertainment needs without challenging them or teaching them anything. And that is just what their slogan-covered bottoms want.

Also, vampires suck.*

*Pun intended. I don’t hate puns.

photo courtesy of rixban/flickr

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