Thing I Hate #5: Rat Tails
Photo courtesy of Gracezorz/flickr
Instance #1: The haircut.
Possibly the worst haircut idea in history, the rat tail tries to be it all, and succeeds in just being heinous. It is neither mullet (see: ironic and hilarious) or buzz cut (see: conservative, military, intense). It is neither long hair on a boy (hippie, liberal, rebellious) nor short (standard, plain, boy next door). It is neither ballsy (see: handlebar mustache, mohawk, neck tattoo) nor appropriate (see: hair of uniform length). If I see you, sir, walking down the street towards me with your close-cropped hair all I will think is “Ah. Just another standard member of the male species.” Maybe I’ll even smile at you as I walk by.
But then you pass me.
And the wisp of hair trailing down your back catches my eye.
And I will never take you seriously again.
I just want to know why. Why on earth does one grow a rat tail? For several weeks in fifth grade I sat behind a boy with a rat tail and not a day went by that I didn’t fantasize about cutting it off. What does the rat tail add? Nothing. What does it take away? Dignity.
Instance #2: The actual rat tail
Creepy as all get-out, the rat tail is second on the list of animal appendages I do NOT want brushing up against my bare skin (the first being anything fish-related: scales, tentacles, fins). It’s a naked, finger-less arm extending from the butt of a rodent that eats dead things and carries the plague. Of course they’re awful.