Thing I Hate #4: Fish.

My irrational fear is fish.

Lame, for someone who spends as much time in the water as I do, but there you have it. My mind has decided that there is nothing creepier than a big-ass, slimy river fish.

Everyone says the same things when I explain this to them:

“River fish can’t bite you.”

But they can touch me.

“Fish are so pretty!”

F that. Have you ever seen a lamprey?

“I bet they’re more afraid of you than you are of them.”

Impossible. And the dead ones are not afraid of bumping into me as we float down the river together.

Don’t get me started on the nightmare inducing things that live in salt water, because what type of animals live in the ocean?

Monsters.

Monsters live in the ocean.

I can think of few things worse than being stuck in the middle of some murky body of water when some icthyoid slides by my leg. I guarantee you, I will never swim faster than when (I think) a fish has touched me.*

Jesus.

*Probably should have found a way to exploit that while I was swimming in college.

Photos courtesy of re-Verse, katie cowden, theseanster93, nathaninsandiego

*Probably should have found a way to exploit that when I was swimming in college.
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